With Election Day upon us, tensions are higher than ever inside and outside of the workplace. That’s why resolving conflicts effectively is more important than ever.
Why is conflict resolution important?
It’s important to resolve conflicts so you can maintain relationships in your personal life, the office, and on the job site. Construction is a team effort and trust and good relationships are vital for safety.
Is all conflict bad?
No. There are two types of conflict destructive conflict and constructive conflict. Destructive conflict lacks a constructive purpose or a positive outcome. It leads to damaged relationships, decreased productivity, and diminished safety.
What leads to destructive conflict?
One common issue leading to destructive conflict is not listening. Another thing that can lead to destructive conflict is using disrespectful language or a disrespectful tone. Personal attacks can also lead to destructive conflict. Additionally, unwillingness to consider other people’s points of view or to compromise can make conflict destructive.
Constructive conflict
This is conflict that has a positive purpose or positive outcome. Conflict can be constructive where disagreements or differences of opinion lead to improvements, innovation, or strengthened relationships.
How do we resolve conflict in a constructive way?
One of the core conflict resolution skills is emotional intelligence. A key component of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, which means understanding yourself, being aware of your own emotions, and being aware of the things that anger you. It also involves regulating your own emotions and being able to behave in a respectful, professional manner, even if you’re angry.
Start by paying attention to how you typically react in conflict. If you have a pattern of just walking away, shutting down, or getting angry and personally attacking other people, those are all things that you can reflect on and learn how to approach in a more positive way. One way to do that is identify what sets off your emotional responses. For example, if someone using a disrespectful tone of voice with you triggers anger, consider asking that person politely and respectfully to use a more respectful tone of voice.
Another key conflict resolution skill is empathy, which is kind of a squishy, touchy-feely type word, but it really just means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. That means trying to understand their emotions and viewpoints, even if you don’t agree with them.
You don’t have to agree someone else to avoid conflict. But it can be helpful to try to understand where the other person is coming from and then try to work with that person to come up with a solution.
Another very important conflict resolution skill is good communication. One of the key elements of good communication is active listening. That means really listening to understand what the other person is saying and their point of view. It doesn’t mean just being silent and formulating your own response while the other person is talking.
So how do you build your active listening muscles? First, listen without interrupting. Then, before you respond, repeat back what you heard the other person say to ensure you understand correctly. Then you want to show that you understand their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. You could say something like, “I understand where you’re coming from. I can see why you’re upset. But here’s how I see things.”
Make sure to use respectful language and tone. Focus on the issues, not personalities. You don’t want to say, “You’re a big jerk,” or “You’re an idiot and that’s why we’re having this problem.” Instead, you want to say, “I think we can do this in a more productive way.”
Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Say, “I don’t really agree with the way we’re doing this,” versus, “You always do things in an unproductive way.”
Another very important conflict resolution skill is problem solving. First, identify the issues, then think through the options for resolving the conflict. Try to focus on finding common ground. It’s easier to collaborate with people if you first start identifying things on which you agree.
Practicing your skills
You can practice by pretending you’re in a conflict with a friend or a colleague and asking them to role play with you how you would try to resolve it. Then seek feedback from the person with whom you were role playing. You could ask, “What did you think about how I tried to resolve that? Is there a way that I could have said that better? Is there a way that I could have used my body language differently? Is there a tone of voice that I could have used differently?”
Another way you can develop your conflict resolution skills is to practice in real life in some situations that are lower stakes than on the job. For example, let’s say you pay your credit card bill late one month and incur a late fee. Practice conflict resolution by calling the credit card company and saying, “I normally pay my bill on time. Would it be possible for you to waive that fee?” You’d be surprised how often that works.
You can also practice at home with your family. You could negotiate with your child about snacks or candy before meals and try practicing some of those emotional intelligence skills, like active listening and respectful language
You may need to take a break or ask a third person for help
If you’re not making any progress, it’s okay to say, “I don’t think we’re getting anywhere. Why don’t we take a break to think through other options for resolving this conflict?”
Sometimes though, you’re not going to be able to resolve the conflict despite your best efforts. In that case, you might want to have somebody else to help you resolve the conflict. This doesn’t have to be anything formal. You could ask a supervisor, foreman, or even a peer to help you communicate more effectively with the person with whom you’re having a conflict so their neutral point of view can help both of you see different potential solutions.
For more information on conflict resolution or to schedule a training, contact Lauri Rollings and Associates at lauri@laurirollings.com or visit our website.
